Tag Archives: Love

My Jewish Mother The Matchmaker

No matter what your religion or ethnicity, it seems critically important to Mothers that you marry within your ethnic background. If you are Asian, your Mother wants you to date other Asians. If you are Catholic, you must marry another Catholic. And, if you are Jewish then you should find a nice Jewish boy or girl.

I can’t speak for other cultures, but in the case of Judaism there is a critical reason for marrying within the religion. In this way, we ensure that the guilt chain is carried down from generation to generation.

Parents seem to get angry when you date outside of your ethnic background. For instance, if you are Jewish, you can actually give your Mother a heart attack by dating a Catholic. Frankly, I am not completely sure why this is, when Catholics and Jews have so much in common.

The both come with Mother’s who are over-protective, but are really good cooks. They both come with Mother’s who want lots of grandchildren and want them now. And of course they both come with truckloads of guilt. I suppose the difference is that in Catholicism the guilt comes from the entire religion whereas in Judaism, the guilt dispensary is handled exclusively by your Mother.

But both religions come with a Mother who considers it a personal affront, if not a mortal sin, that you are over 30, single and aren’t going to have children in the next 6 months.

Like all good Jewish Mothers, my Mother is always bugging me about getting married. “Have you met any nice Jewish girls?” she will always ask me. If I answer, “no”, she will invariably try and fix me up. She thinks she is Yenta the Matchmaker.

She’ll say to me. “I have just the girl for you.”

“Really Mom? Who is she?”
“A woman in my bridge club. Her Niece’s friend. A nice girl,” she replies.

“So you’ve never actually met her?” I ask. “No, but she’d be perfect for you”

“Thanks, Mom. But, I don’t think so.”

“See if I care. I should go to my grave with no grandchildren.”

One time my Mother called me, once again, trying to fix me up.

“Glenn, you remember my friend, Doris Kilinivich?”

“Yes, Mom. But I didn’t know she had a daughter.”

“She doesn’t,” says my Mother.

“But her husband Morty’s been dead two years now. Maybe you could ask her out.”

I’m always trying to get my Mother off my back about me still being single. I had tried everything, but nothing worked. When I moved to I thought I had found a solution.

You see, my Mother is extremely conservative. So one time when she called and as usual asked, “Have you met any nice Jewish girls?” I decided to play on her worst fears.

“Mom, you are not going to believe this. I met the perfect person. We are deeply and madly in love. We have so much in common. We do everything together. Even the sex is incredible. Mom, he is the nicest man you would ever want to meet.”

There was deadening silence on the other end of the phone. “I have her,” I thought. “I have finally shut her up.”
Then, finally, the sound of my Mother’s voice. “So, is he Jewish?”

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Copyright 2004 – 2008, Glenn G. Millar

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Why Men and Women Don’t Communicate

I’ve begun to realize that the reason men and women don’t communicate is because they speak different languages. Women talk about feelings. Men talk about sports. Women talk about relationships, about their inner most hopes, dreams and fears. Men talk about sports. Women talk about where they’ve been, where they are and where they hope to be. Men, on the other hand, talk about . . . sports.

A woman can remember every detail of the first date she had with a guy 12 years ago, down to the color of his tie, even though she hasn’t seen the guy in years.

A man can remember every detail of a football game that took place 12 years ago, down to the names of both kickers, even though it was between two teams vying for last place.

Men and women would communicate much better if they spoke the same language.

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The Truth About Men and Women

Sometimes falling in love is kind of like clothing in the 70’s. It seems like a good idea at the time and then you find yourself ten years later shuffling down the street thinking, “Bell-bottoms and platform shoes? What the hell was I thinking?”

They say love is blind. It’s also deaf, dumb and scored less than 300 on the SAT’s.

Having been single for the vast majority of my adult life, (intertwined by occasional fantastic relationships which typically appear just before I have signed the papers for becoming a Priest,) I have discovered certain unalienable truths:

Truth #1 – Men don’t understand Women

Lord knows we try. But it is seemingly to no avail. I do believe that at some point in every man’s life he suddenly has an epiphany, where women’s behavior becomes crystal clear and he grasps every nuance of women’s inner souls.

Then 3 seconds later, he dies.

Hell is filled with millions of men who now know exactly what they did wrong in their relationships, but will spend eternity realizing they can’t do anything about it.

Truth #2 – Women don’t understand Men

For years, Man, the most complex living organism on the planet, studied the Amoeba, the simplest organism on the planet. Despite the Amoeba’s simplicity, scientists studied it, believing there was more to the Amoeba than meets the eye. The fact is, they pretty much had it on the first day. This, I believe, is the perfect analogy to Women trying to understand Men.

Truth #3 – People fall in love

Despite a myriad of potential obstacles, somehow millions of people fall in love. They meet and they date. They realize they have found their soulmates and they marry. They make falling in love the easiest and most natural thing on earth. This, however, is not truth #3. Truth #3 is that there is clearly something wrong with these people. These people are abnormal.

From 1995 until 2006, I was very single. During this time I managed to make hundreds of observations, a few of which actually made sense. Under the category The Single Guy, I’ll be posting many of these observations. Enjoy!

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Copyright 2004 – 2008, Glenn G. Millar

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