“Do you love me?” she said.
Her gorgeous brown eyes twinkling as she spoke. She was one of the most beautiful women in the world, long sun-kissed hair, perfect skin and a body that would make a Sports Illustrated swimsuit photographer do a double take.
“Of course I love you, Ween” he said, though never looking away from the TV set.
“Is there somebody else?” she asked.
“Why would you say that?” a hint of guilt escaping his lips.
“I think you’re in love with somebody else.”
“That’s not true!” he said. This time he looked up. A commercial had just begun.
“You spend way more time with . . .” She couldn’t even finish the sentence. Though she had known for a long time, putting it into words made her even sadder.
“Look,” he said, “We’ve gone through this before. It’s not love and it’s not cheating. It’s just a special friendship. I have needs that you can’t fulfill. I don’t think you can understand. Nobody makes me laugh like . . . like . . . him.”
There he had said it. He had finally vocalized it. It felt good. He had said what he had wanted to say for years and it felt good.
She sighed. “You know it didn’t bother me at first. When it was just Cybill. But then it was Grace Under Fire. And now it’s the Big Bang Theory and Two and a Half Men 12 times a week. And you TiVo every one of them!”
She was yelling now, something she did not do, but Elvis had left the building and he wasn’t coming back.
“I only TiVo them so I can read the Chuck Lorre vanity cards.”
“You’re in love with Chuck Lorre, aren’t you!, she accused, her words making the oxygen retreat to the corners of the room.
“I am not in love with Chuck Lorre,” he said. “Ween, I love you. You are the world to me. We’ve been together for 10 years. We have children together. We share everything. I love you today more than I loved you when we met. And I’ll probably love you even more next week. And, if sometimes I don’t give you enough attention, then I am an idiot and I am sorry. You are my universe and nothing, I mean nothing, could ever take me away from you.”
Suddenly the phone rings. He quickly grabs it.
“Hello, this is Chuck Lorre. We would like you to move to L.A. and help me write the Chuck Lorre vanity cards.”
“Hey Ween. Chuck just called. I’m leaving you. Good-bye.”
Note from Glenn – If you don’t know who Chuck Lorre is or what Chuck Lorre Vanity Cards are, you are missing out on a comic genius. Check out http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0521143/. Chuck is the creator and writer of Roseanne, Cybill, Grace Under Fire, Two and a Half Men and The Big Bang Theory.
Copyright 2004 – 2008, Glenn G. Millar