Why Men and Women Don’t Communicate

I’ve begun to realize that the reason men and women don’t communicate is because they speak different languages. Women talk about feelings. Men talk about sports. Women talk about relationships, about their inner most hopes, dreams and fears. Men talk about sports. Women talk about where they’ve been, where they are and where they hope to be. Men, on the other hand, talk about . . . sports.

A woman can remember every detail of the first date she had with a guy 12 years ago, down to the color of his tie, even though she hasn’t seen the guy in years.

A man can remember every detail of a football game that took place 12 years ago, down to the names of both kickers, even though it was between two teams vying for last place.

Men and women would communicate much better if they spoke the same language.

The man’s point of view:

Her: I want to tell you about my friend Claire and her boyfriend. Their relationship is having problems because their relationship is stagnating and I fear that our own relationship could suffer the same dysfunction if we don’t communicate more effectively. Him: zzzzzz

The woman’s point of view:

Him: Ok, this is how football works. The center hikes the ball to the Quarterback, who is in an I formation. The Quarterback can either flip the ball to his set-back or drop back in the pocket and throw a screen to his tight end. Her: zzzzzz

Now I believe that what both men and women have to say are very important, but it is critical that they learn to speak the other’s language. For instance, let’s say the man wants the woman to understand football. He needs to put it in her terms.

Him: See, the Quarterback and the Wide Receiver are trying to have a relationship. First, they get into that big group, we’ll call a huddle, and they hug each other. Then they start to communicate. The Quarterback and the Wide Receiver talk about where they are going and how they are going to get there together.

Her: Oh so they really listen to each other?

Him: Exactly. Then the players line up. The Quarterback gets right behind the Center. Now the Quarterback doesn’t actually touch the Center’s butt, because that would be disrespectful. And the Quarterback appreciates the Center for who he is and not just because he is bent over in front of him.

Her: The Quarterback sounds very sensitive.

Him: Oh he is, he is. Now there are two sets of players next to the Center. They are called Guards and Tackles. Their job is to make sure that the Quarterback has plenty of personal space. Because even though he is strong, he is sensitive enough to ask for help. They protect him, they surround him with love and they make him feel safe. And if the world should crash in around him, then later, in the next huddle, the Quarterback will express his feelings and they will listen to what he has to say.

Her: They are very supportive aren’t they.

Him: Yes they are. Now let’s talk about the Wide Receiver again. See the Quarterback is trying to pass the ball to the Wide Receiver, because that is the goal they have mutually decided on to succeed in their relationship. But there is this player called a Safety who wants to make sure that doesn’t happen. He wants to break-up their relationship.

Her: That bitch!

Him: That’s right! He is a . . . what you said. Because he will do everything he can to ensure that the relationship between the Quarterback and the Wide Receiver doesn’t work.

Her: The Safety used to be involved with the Quarterback didn’t he?

Him: You are so right. They played on the same team, but then money became more important to the Safety than the relationship, so he left.

Her: I see.

Him: So the Safety, is trying to go between the Quarterback and the Wide Receiver. And sometimes he is successful. Fortunately, this can be fixed.

Her: Really! How?

Him: Well, if the Quarterback shows the Safety that he is no longer interested in the Wide Receiver, the Safety will leave him alone.

Her: How does the Quarterback do that?

Him: He makes a pass at somebody else.

Her: He makes a pass at somebody else?! He doesn’t sound very loyal. Dumping the Wide Receiver just ‘cause the Safety was all over him?

Him: Well he really doesn’t dump him. They are just on a break. The Quarterback needs someone now and he can’t wait around for the Wide Receiver to be available. But he’ll use the Wide Receiver again when it’s convenient.

Her: I see. Can I ask one question though?

Him: Sure honey, what is it?

Her: Why would you call a long post pattern, on first down when you are playing against the best pass defense in the league and you have a guy with 4.2 speed in your backfield?

Him: Uhhhhh . . . it’s a relationship control issue between the Coach and the Owner, but we’ll talk about that later.

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Copyright 2004 – 2008, Glenn G. Millar


Filed under The Single Guy

3 responses to “Why Men and Women Don’t Communicate

  1. very funny, eventhough the football language is double, double dutch (Aussie rules here).

  2. I initially thought the article was going to be boring but I laughed out loud all the way through it. TOUCHDOWN. The communication was very clear. If only it was always that easy. I caught the pass and I’m running with it. When I share this story I’ll be sure to give you credit (at least the first few times).

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